So I have an ulcer, I know I know it’s a silly thing to be complaining about under normal circumstances. But this is no normal ulcer, oh no, this is the super beast of all ulcers. It’s about half an inch long, and it’s on my tongue. Yes, my tongue. Manning up hasn’t been effective, so now I’m just complaining.
Ulcers on the tongue are about the worst thing out, because they don’t just ache a bit like the normal ones on your lip. They’re horribly painful no matter what you’re trying to do. You want to have a drink of water? No, the ulcer won’t be having that, it makes it too painful to swallow anything properly so all that ends up happening is you manage to swallow half a mouthful while dribbling the other half down your front. Yea, cause that’s so very attractive. The ulcer doesn’t stop there, while making you look like some dribbling buffoon it also sends a shooting pain straight up through your mouth into your skull, that’s not fun. As well as making you look stupid it will then proceed to make your tongue swell up just a little bit so that you can’t talk properly, and while you’re talking it will do that shooting skull pain thing again. The ulcer hates you, and it wants you to be miserable.
I’m sure the ulcer was sent from some hellish place to cause us unnecessary pain while making us look like idiots. It’s like, the great creator was bored one day and decided to spice humanity up a bit with weird and wonderful painful things that wouldn’t go the hell away! I have tried everything to get rid of this thing. Bonjela, nothing, ice, nope the ulcer is resistant to ice, cold milk was just painful to drink and came with added dribbling, I even tried some special local anaesthetic denture sore gel which proceeded to make the entire side of my face and tongue numb but didn’t touch the ulcer at all. So I am doomed to wait it out, to have to eat everything horribly slowly and in tiny pieces, even soup.
Mouth ulcer, I hate you.
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