The Size 10 Dress

So, people who know me know that I’m not a dress person. I’m really not. I’m a ‘ride my motorbike and wear big boots’ person, comfort over fashion. Then I got the bright idea that I would join a few friends at a dance, not just any dance oh no, a black tie dance. It seemed like a great idea, it really did, but then I remember that I would need a dress. Well crap, I don’t own any dresses other than my prom dress. I really can’t wear that one. Here we have a dilemma.

First thought proved to be the best one, Ebay. I don’t use it often, but it really was the best place for me to look for a couple of reasons. One: I hate shopping. Some guys claim to dislike shopping with their girlfriends but they’ll go along and pretend to complain but really they’re having almost a good time because their girlfriend feels good and they makes them happy. I am not like that. I REALLY hate shopping, like a lot. If I could manage it I would never set foot outside the house let alone go walking about streets full of people looking at clothes that I don’t want in sizes that won’t ever fit. Solution: Internet. Reason number two: I don’t like fashion. It’s something I’ve never understood, and none of the ‘fashionable clothes’ look even remotely good on me. So fashion is something that has generally always angered me. This also points me towards internet shopping because I can buy things that I actually want. So we are back to Ebay.

Dress dress dress

It took a little while of looking, but I found the dress. It’s pretty much perfect and it’s not too expensive. Wonderful. I go through all the rubbish that comes with ordering this address and then it’s just a case of waiting for the thing to arrive. That was when issue number one presented itself. The packaging for the dress was TINY, which got me suspicious I have to admit. It was supposed to be a fairly substantial dress so at this point I was starting to worry. I opened it and there was more dress than I expected, but not nearly enough dress. They had only gone and sent me a dress size smaller than the one I ordered. Isn’t that great. For the hell of it I tried it on, ever feel the need to make yourself feel really fat? Try putting on and doing up a dress that’s a size too small for you! There was no way it was happening, which gave me the second issue, having to send this dress back for one that would actually do up. It was at that moment that I had a brain wave.

I own a corset. It’s a pretty good one too, full steel boning that takes my waist in by about 3 inches (it would be 4 inches but I like both breathing and my ribs). With a little help from Mother and A LOT of breathing in the corset was in place. Trying the dress on take two. I wasn’t convinced that it would do up even with the smaller waist but it was worth trying, and the thing must have known that I doubted it because it went and did up first time. Hurrah! This solves problems one and two in one easy fix, with the added bonus of feeling extra skinny even after a large amount of chocolate ice-cream.

I believe the moral here should be ‘try before you buy’ but I rather prefer, if at first it doesn’t fit and you’re too lazy to send it back, corset to the rescue.